I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
