I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
