Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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