she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
