I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
