if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
