I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
