No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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