Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
