i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
