I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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