I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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