The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
