the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
