We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's blow job season.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
