U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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