WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
