i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
