found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
