my mouth tastes like poor choices
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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