i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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