she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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