This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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