then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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