new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
