never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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