She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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