Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
