"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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