ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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