proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
