It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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