it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize