Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
