I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Need sex. Gaining weight.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
