im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
