He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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