Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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