Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
