I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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