Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This house was built for laser tag.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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