He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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