go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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