Your tits are I can't wait for
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize