chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
