And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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