i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
