someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
