If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
