The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
