so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just googled if crying burns calories
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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