she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
that's an acceptable place to lick
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
