I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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