I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize