I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
