I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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