I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
