there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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