If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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