I skipped work to stalk him.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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