Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
