well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
