I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
