I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There's always time for handjobs
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
