OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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